Showing posts with label Plain Ol' Nuttiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Plain Ol' Nuttiness. Show all posts

Ay Jay: A Study Part 1

Sep 11, 2010

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Due to an overdose of pure idiocy and skullduggery which is ever present in the Ay Jay's overloaded mush of a brain, we observe that he is unable to comprehend the very essential things that matter most, such as a career or education. But one must admit, passions ought to be respected. After all, to each is his own man. And a noble sport such as Basketball which Ay Jay honours from the very depths of his throbbing heart ought to be respected even more. From whence this obsession, dare I call it, comes from is unknown. But it is clearly observed that a major portion of both of Ay Jay's conscious and sub-conscious mind have been possessed by Basketball. Many have tried to wrench it out of his complex and yet simple system. But all efforts were in vain. For an obsession such as this is akin to Love, maybe even deeper. For Love is in Ay Jay's opinion a silly way to waste one's time by being completely icky, gooey and mushy. But Basketball on the other hand is true, faithful and undoubtedly constant for one's Love for Ballin' can never diminish, it can only grow stronger. It is not mere passion that fuels this inextinguishable blaze; it is sweat, fury, adrenaline, and the will to win. The agility, speed and effort, the submitting of oneself entirely body, mind and soul is surely justifiable, is it not? And yet, facts remain as facts. In this conservative society, things such as further advancement in one's non-educational quests are unauthorised, looked down, and scoffed at. Even if one wishes to pursue a career in Journalism, or in fine hints such as Literature, one can expect to be denied one's wishes inevitably. For you must only have a career as an Engineer, a Doctor or a C.A. But alas, I digress. Further delving into Ay Jay's brain shows us that although he is capable of doing great things, his laziness tends to overshadow everything else. A remedy for this affliction of his is still under research, although it is found that when it comes to matters concerning Basketball, we observe that his laziness immediately disappears and he is pumped up and psyched. Why this happens is believed to be mainly because he finds everything else counter-productive to his existence. And yet, surprisingly we find that despite his laziness, he does wash himself everyday, which is very ironic because his area of inhabitance has a very accurate resemblance, akin to that of a pigsty.

Continued….

Where Are The Critics And What Have You Done With Them??

Sep 12, 2009

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Everybody's a critic. So, where are you critics? Have you been abducted? Been absconding? Or on a break? You're never around when I need you.... It's not like I'm sensitive to criticism or anything, rather I'm in need of it..... Where's the !@*(&%^ critics?????? Give me the criticism, the opinions, the slander, the dissing........ You're torturing me.......

Hair-Brained Schemes

Aug 4, 2009

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By the time they reach puberty, or in most cases way before, the general section (read vast majority) of the male population acquire a sense of obsession with their manes. If any of you humans have not encountered any of these lock-combing-addicted males, then welcome home from your trip to Mars.

Aye, this species of the human race is as common as mosquitoes in India. The author, albeit being a male, has no idea why his fellow members of the species are so darned attached to their tresses. He is not into the concept of a comb or hair gel or shampoo or whatnot, unlike other males. The author finds no purpose in these flimsy habits of combing (or hygiene for that matter).

He prefers going bald as it gives freedom and relieves stupidities such as those mentioned above. And so, once, having been enraged by constant bickering, he threatened to shave his head as he’d had enough. Pops said, “We’ll see whether you do that.” And so, a trip to the barber’s was due [Oh no, will he do it? Will he do it??? Read on, dear reader.]

On entering the black carpeted (covered in hair, duh!) edifice of the barber, the author requested a complete shave. The barber (Mallu guy, poor bloke, he was too darned misinformed), baffled by such request by a teenager to have his mane chopped off, asked whether he’d just heard me say I wanted a clean shave [I know, those darned Mallus are everywhere. 1 out of 2 readers of this post is a Mallu]. Of course, yours truly replied. Waddyu looking at me like that for????, added the author in his mind.

And so, reluctantly, Barber Boy picked up his handy-dandy razor and began. Believe me, although it’s a friggin’ blade scraping at yer scalp, it sure don’t feel like it. Stroke after stroke, it went on. Having successfully eliminated that black pain-on-the-scalp, he surveyed his work. Not bad, if I say so meself. Having run a hand over the oh-so-smooth surface that was now the author’s head, he’d gotten up, and bread exchanged hands.

As he stepped out of the shop, sheer ecstasy passed through his veins [No, not the dope, although I wouldn’t mind trying some out ;)]. For ‘twas a windy a day, and absotulutely no feeling can be compared to that. Until tried out (Ten bucks says you won’t) it is not understood by lock fancying pansies.

Now, the reader might be wondering, for quite some time, why in the name of Merlin’s baggy tes ..um.. trousers would he do that. Ah, the answer is that ever since the author was a wee little Ay Jay, he despised combing that darned black thingamajing on his scalp.

Having succeeded in completing his quest, Sir Ay Jay ventured home, having defeated the evil black dragon. As soon as he entered back in his lair, fellow lair-mates, on seeing the clean, polished surface that was now his scalp, their mouths had made lots of space to accommodate their foots, in sheer WTF? Ah, said Ay Jay, Thou hast seen what I hath prophesised. ‘Tis me, none of thine sarcasm shalt change a thing!.

And, that night, he enjoyed the calm soothing feeling of an ice-cold pillow on his bald pate, waiting for the next day, wondering.............. To stupidity, and beyond!!